


Mom Sold Me To The Ineffable Husbands

by Confirmed_bachelorette



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Mom sold me again -_-, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 20:02:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21041972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Confirmed_bachelorette/pseuds/Confirmed_bachelorette
Summary: Mom sold me to the ineffable husbands to pay for her vaping addiction -_-...at least they are handsome!!! XD





	Mom Sold Me To The Ineffable Husbands

I woke up to the sound of my smart phone playing Señorita by Shawn Mendez. I hopped out of bed and pulled on my booty shorts and thrifted Hawaiian shirt which I buttoned as I looked in the mirror to see my pale face and hazel eyes. I grabbed a scrunchie from my vanity and pulled my long brown hair into a messy bun.

Just then, I heard pounding on my bedroom door. Before I could answer my mother barged in to my room. She looked like me if I was old. She took a drag from her vape pen and blew a cloud of bubble gum smoke into my face. “Good, you’re up,” she said, in her flat and uncaring voice, “pack a bag, your new owners are on their way.”

“N-new owners?” I repeated, 

“I sold you to pay for more vape juice,” she explained casually. I started to tear up. This was the worst thing that had happened to me since my father died in a hoverboard accident two years ago.

Ten minutes later I was dragging a duffel bag crammed with my clothes and other belongings down the stairs. Among them was my DVD copy of Good Omens (2019 dir. Neil Gaiman). The ringing of the doorbell echoed throughout the house.

My mother appeared, holding a big wad of Benjamins in one hand and grabbed me roughly by the arm with the other and dragged me to the front door. “Good riddance,” she sneered, confirming my lifelong suspicion that she didn’t love me. “Your new owners are here.”

She opened the door and pushed me outside, slamming the door behind me. I blinked in the harsh sunlight as I looked up to see two handsome middle-aged men standing in front of me, and a vintage black car parked in my driveway. One was a tall redhead dressed in black, the other a blond dressed in a tan coat and tartan bow 

I gasped with recognition.

“Pip pip Cheerio!” The blond britished.

This is the story of when the Ineffable Husbands bought me.

**Author's Note:**

> AN: if I get 10 comments I’ll post the next chapter uwu


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